Isithembu (Polygamy)

Isithembu is when a man is legally allowed to have more than a single wife and is expected to meet all of their needs for the mere fact that he is a man. Support their needs physically, financially and emotionally. This implies that if any of his wives needs special attention he devotes his time into being there when he is wanted and when is devotionally needed as a man. This also passes down to their children if they have any, if any of his kids needs him he devotes his time by giving the best motivation as a man should. The children do not necessary stay with the father at all times but with their rightful mother’s.

This might as well demand more time for the mere fact that any women seeks attention and his duty as a man is to provide the love needed at all times for the mere fact that he is the man of the house. Recently on YouTube while I was doing this research I bumped into a touching video where the husband now knows the personality of all his wives, what makes them happy, sad and most importantly what kind of person each of his wives are.

This is only applicable to men if women had to have more husband’s it would be very inappropriate to the community and the men would feel emasculated if they ever found themselves in such a situation. For men to participate in such is seen as a norm in KwaZulu Natal, I know not what would happen if a wife wanted another husband.

The husband’s wives are not referred as any kind of a romantic form but are referred to as La then her surname which she originates from (e.g. La Nkosi, which means she originates from the Nkosi clan) this makes it easier for the husband to clearly identify who exactly he is referring to.

The most of the wives love being part of this, reasons being that they believe that ‘a man will always be a man’ which simply means that men will always cheat. They believe that every single man will always find pleasure elsewhere at some point of the marriage, they find being part of Isithembu much better because they know who he is sleeping with, they know they are safe because they regularly go for checkups to make sure neither of them is in a bad space in terms of any kind of sickness. They claim to be the happiest family; they laugh and share personal problems together.

Even though it sounds like a water slide for any rich man but some might just not qualify to take part in such, they claim you are born with the feeling inside.

The husband is expected to treat all of his wives equally; none of the wives should feel unappreciated in any typical way. They all hold a strong hand if any other woman shall be added into the polygamy, they should all have an opinion if whether or not any other wife should be added. Believing this is a way to stop any unknown disappoints they all strongly believe that Isithembu can minimize diseases because there are a lot of unofficial polygamy in many families today where husbands tend to sleep with teenagers with unknown behaviours which might even put the entire family at risk.

Even though everything seems to be heaven for any man, there are certain requirements, such as: (1) The man should be able to support his wives and his children; (2) the husband is expected to have a strong back for all activities to be taken at home and (3) must be able to easily communicate easily with everyone in the house.

Personally, even though there are strong reasons why such is permitted, I personally disagree with such activity. Mainly because of the risk of over populating our country, the more people we have the stronger the poverty we will have. For example, the video I watched, the husband had twenty children and eight wives. At some point in their lives the children will be independent, which might increase the poverty and unemployment rates of our country.

Putting my opinions aside, even though you know your partners do not contain any diseases doesn’t necessary prevent the risks of STD’s, undoubtedly one may have any kind of STD regardless of how many partners you have, the lack of self hygiene is also key in causing such. Translate that into having that risk with the number of partners one has is enormous if you are in a polygamy relationship.

#Isithembu #Polygamy #Wife #Wives