MBD

Sometimes I feel as if she's my world and sometimes I don’t see her place in my world. That's just an anxiety attack, like I'd tell her to get the crap out of my life in my brain but later be begging her to come back. That's just all in my head. I'm just glad it's all in my head, if it was verbal they'd call me crazy.

Seeing my psychologist next week again, this whole thing is taking forever. Always had the mentality that I didn’t give a crap when I later realised I actually did but due to having mental break downs and lots of rejection I've failed to admit when I needed something in life.

This part of life is where I try to find myself before I ruin others, where finding health care is key and realising that mental health is in fact a problem we live with and having to understand that at times I'll break but be as if nothing occurred within minutes. This part of my life is truly being sceptical and happy with my own company. Trying to cut certain people out of my life that seem to strain me by the day, the sort of company that only takes but never gives, the kind of people who have no ambition whatsoever in their lives. Knowing that such is hard, having to lose certain people for the mere fact that we're in pursuit of finding what it truly means to be ourselves, the creative’s, the very few people who care more about others more than they care about themselves.

Having to care to a point where I'd rather see you smiling with a knife in my heart, to a point where I'd pick your smile over the knife being removed. Where we hurt inside but appreciate it if you’re smiling and happy because our only purpose in life is seeing smiles and making more smiles. That's all we care about...

Family has been adopted, friends have been adopted, with mixed relation how dare we call a friend a friend and not part of family because they are?

This part of my life is a journey.